As this is the end of my fourth year at Uni and I have turned 23, people around me are starting to make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives. A lot of people are in a relationship where they are just waiting to finish their studies so they can buy a place to live, get married and have children. There are so many people around me getting married, getting pregnant and acting like this is a normal thing to do.
I feel like I’m caught up in this bubble called Uni, not really wanting to leave it behind, while people are already getting ready for their life afterwards. It scares me to think that they feel grown up enough to have a child of their own. Because if they are ready, and they are just as old as I am and have experienced the same as I have, should I too be ready? Am I actually old enough? I don’t feel like I have the knowledge to introduce another being to the world.
But on the other side, I go to Uni to make Uni my career, not to get a job so can live a real life. My plan is that Uni will be my life. My master thesis will define my options when I graduate, it isn’t just that I have a master in biology, but the exact methods I used and the theories I know. Some people end up with PhDs close to their masters, others with something completely different. But to get a PhD I have to work really hard on my master and th I have to work really hard on my PhD. I barely managed to make time for a boyfriend and I don’t see any more time popping up in the near future to have time for anything more.
The best thing, I thought, about moving out form home, was that I didn’t have to report to anyone. I could choose to not have dinner, to not come home at night, to spontaneously change my plans last minute or to just stay home. I like having the freedom of being just me. Not having anyone to come home to. Oh, it’s nice to have someone to have dinner with (or breakfast for that matter) when you want some company, but to have to be home at half past three to pick up your kid in kindergarden or at four to have dinner ready, no. I’d like my life to be centered around me for a couple more years.
I want to be young and free, get a decent salary and have someone I can travel with. Both the big expeditions and the Sundays in the park. I’m definitely with Nemi on this one:
I can completely understand your worries. So many of my friends are married, engaged, parents, pregnant, or at least are in a relationship that has been lasting for years. Then me, 28, who broke up with his girlfriend after four years, stumbled into a new relationship, broke up agein after one year, now is single for the first time since 5 years. And I still feel like I’m always on the run, never have time for the things I should do, and even have less time for the things I’d like to do.
When I tell people, I’m trying to get my life straight, they don’t understand…
Well, at least, I’ve found a job that is fun and well-paid. And I will move to Munich, so I won’t have to commute to work, which will save me about 2 hours each day. So I hope everything will work out soon…